Carol Alt

Dear Carol,

After such a long and illustrious career I feel obliged to offer one of my sincerest "kudos" on the good looks. I would like to follow that up with a resounding "way to go!" also directed at the fine looks that you have acquired, nourished and purveyed throughout your days on this earth. I, myself, am sitting here pondering the word confection. Carol, I understand that this isn't the typical pontificatory project, but I just can't get it out of my mind. My brain is confected to the word confection. I, before I go any further, must apologize for my obvious dismantling of the English language. I enjoy; nay, I strive to rearrange, readjust and reap havoc with the word, its form and also you, Carol, the reader, desperately trying to follow the story while deciphering this code.

Carol how is it that a word so sweet in meaning as well as sound can be so similar in look to a word such as infection or injection. I constantly hear the word dissection and confection confused which I'm sure you, as I, are disgusted by. Last week I was asked for the confections to route 76. I sent him to Hershey, Pennsylvania. And, if one more person tells me they are going to the cesarean section store for some mike and ikes, I'm going to have a cranial hemorrhage.

Last Saturday, the one-year anniversary of the same Saturday a year before, I was sitting at home minding my own business. The ring ring of the telephone startled me away from my book, "Midgets – The Abridged Story" and led me unto the path of confectionery confusion. I was greeted by a pleasant voice on the phone, "Hello, this is Bill from the Confections Agency." Delighted to hear of and from such an organization, I decided to show them my support, "Well well well Bill, I've been waiting for you to call for a long time now."

"Is that so?" "Yes, I would like to order your entire stock of Raisonettes and three Swedish Fish." I could taste the sweet morsels of raison covered by thick milk chocolate as each syllable rushed out of the opening just above my chin.

"Sir, I think you are confused, I am from the Confections Agency and I am calling about your bill."

"Yes Bill I know, remember the Raisonettes? The Swedish Fish?" Growing ever more huffy, the voice on the phone rose in tone, "Sir, I am from the Confections Agency trying to confect on your outstanding bill!"

"Look Bill, I wouldn't call you so outstanding, you can't even get my order right!"

Carol, unfortunately there is no such a thing as a confectionery agency that sells its product via telemarketing. Don't you think there really should be? Oh well, if only the earth was made of chocolate, the rest of the world would be as fat as Americans. With that being said, Carol rest assured that in the modeling world you are the object of my confections. We are linked together like an electric confection. I even think I am going to vote for you in the next Presidential Confection.

Once again good job on the looks and keep up the good work.

Confectionally yours,

Orpheous Roy