Susan Egan

Dear Susan,

I agree it is truly a mad, mad, mad mad mad world out there, but it's not only in 1999. No, Susan, it is a continuous evolution, or devolution, of madness that spirals like a staircase both up and down. Take for instance the situation in Kosovo where NATO has proven that two wrongs do not make a right. Take for instance the situation in Africa where a lightning bolt struck a field of soccer players killing 10, all on the same team. Or Susan, take the situation that happened to me right here in Manhattan. Since I am not sure what I am going to write there will be absolutely NO guarantee of a factual basis for this story. One morn I was on my way to work when this gorgeous young lady approached and said, "Hi Orpheous." I was taken aback and replied, "Hey good lookin' what you got cookin? And how do you know my name?" Without a moment's hesitation she cocked her left arm, balled her fist and yelled, "TIMBERRRRRRRRRR" as she let fly with the classic straight right to the body followed by a left hook to the head. When I awoke, I was noticeably dazed and slightly enamored with this mystery girl possessing the heavy hands. I pushed on and in pushing on I noticed that I could not get this girl out of my mind. I wanted to know, no, I needed to know who this femme fatale was.

Now, I know that the anticipation is building and I have you on the edge of your seat, but unfortunately the madness ended right there. T'was not to be, alas for me. We never crossed paths again and I have remained loveless ever since. Women have been ruined for me, since I have met the Isis of my time. I have met the most bedeviling, most beguiling and most disciplined body puncher that I could ever have dreamed. Her memory fades like a ship on the horizon, but the scar above my eye is a daily reminder of the madness of this world.

I say this to you because Susan, you are absolutely correct. Madness abounds like pollution in New York. Madness' grip is not only on the ninety-ninth year, for you see my tale transpired in 1998.

I don't have any tales from 1997, so for all I know madness may only sing his eerie song in the years of 1998 and 1999, but I will tell you one thing, we won't let it happen in the year 2000. That's right you, Susan, and me, Orpheous, will not let this scourge on society crochet its evil afghan. Your singing, dancing, acting and general beauty combined with my "Lawn Jockey Art" should be enough to hold back the evil tide of the madness in 2000. That's my story. Thanks for joining the effort and keep up the good work.

Frivolously yours,

Orpheous Roy

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0250743/